Mental Health - Key Questions & Reality Therapy

Unlike some of the past weeks, I was really able to apply my key questions list (Karl Tomm Questions) and indulge in a bit of Reality Therapy. I have had some difficulties finding the opportune moments to get into a problem solving situation with my friends. This week, however, I was presented with a good chance at addressing a problem that my friend had been having for many months now. What I discovered was very similar to my concerns last week. The concern was that in order for a person to change their behaviors or patterns, they must desire to change.

I started with as many of the Karl Tomm questions as I could remember. This time, however, I had focused more on future-oriented types. I would phrase questions like "What would it look like if you had achieved this goal?" While the individual could certainly picture what things would look like in pretty adequate detail, the amount of self sacrifice it would take on their behalf seemed not worth it. The individual was capable of modifying their behavior so that it was bearable to face a similar problem, but felt as though they were acting against their true nature to be open and fun.

Many of the questions that I asked were very good at understanding the entire picture of the situation. I asked questions like "Is this what usually happens when you do this?" (process-interruption), "When you do ____, then what happens?" (hypothesis), or "How long have you had this idea?" (distinction-clarifying). Unfortunately, none of these questions really helped me to come up with a solution. Most of my embedded questioning came up unsuccessful in gaining a positive reciprocation to the ideas.

This is where Reality Therapy came in. Reality therapy is centered around the three main ideas: reality, responsibility, and right & wrong. When anything goes against any of these three ideas, there is conflict. In addition, this type of therapy focuses on the now/future and not the past. This therapy is centered around the idea that people can only control their own behavior. We can't control the behavior of others. William Glasser, a Reality therapist, states "serious conflicts evolve from our attempts to control others who will not accept our control, because what we want does not satisfy them."

When presenting this idea to the individual, the tone changed from "this person did this to me" to "I can't control that person, but I can control me." A misconception that I had was that once this part was realized, the rest would fall easily into place. This was not the case. Discovering that we are responsible for ourselves does change the focus a bit, but taking ownership over the idea is another story. Taking full responsibility for our own happiness with our relationships with others is a true mental challenge. The individual did not desire to change their perspectives because the problem did not seem worth it. As the problem was not a constant irritant, it was not worth it to put the effort into self-change. I'm going to keep up with this individual and Reality therapy to see how it can go. I'd like to see this therapy broken up more into a step-by-step process and see what the milestones look like.