*Sigh*

My journey has indeed begun... It's the end of my 2nd month here. I'm about 1/5th of the way through my training. I've decided that change happens too slowly and my awful start has really set me up for a difficult year. As a general optimist, the beginning of the year was pretty important. It's a kickoff and a good time to make connections and get started. With 1/5th of the year already over, I'm somewhat discouraged about making positive changes...

I've also felt a bit less smart than I thought I was. It's been pretty humbling being in the school system working with people that have so much experience. I'm really learning the process now, but my confidence for the profession is dwindling. I miss my classes, my classmates, my professors. I miss positive attitudes and the latest in research. The disconnect between the classroom and the school is quite frustrating. I often ask myself, "what good is my education if the rest of these people don't know what the heck I'm talking about?" It isn't even that I couldn't teach them or bring it up -- because I could. The problem is that it isn't something I can bring up in any sort of regular team meeting because it's so obscure to talk about research based programs and ongoing assessment of these interventions.

I'd really like to run things a lot differently all over my school. There's a culture here that makes me feel quiet. I don't like that feeling. If I had plans to stay here long term, I might be pushing harder, but I don't.

So for now I'm going to do the best I can. The cases I have are gold and I can really dedicate my time to them. I don't feel overwelmed and I do see change happening at the elementary where I feel my education is valued. The education system here is amazing. If there's anything going for this district, it's that their education is just wonderful. The unfortunate part about it is that there isn't enough for students that can't succeed. And most high school people know that most of the problems at the high school aren't even related to academics. :/

I'll try to be better about updating this and maybe being a little less pessimistic ;).